Some feelings about things in life...

I have often been wondering why life happens the way it happens, its kind of like you can't really explain it but just watch it go by. I have been thinking alot about why certain people die before others and wouldn't it be nicer if you actually all went to heaven at the same time instead of being sad that only certain people die at certain times. Why wouldnt families just go together, but then when would it end, its kinda like we are all linked some how. Just the way that it all works is wierd, and its kinda annoying. I have also been thinking about the fact that if we never died then when would it stop, the over population would their be a limit to how many people could actually be on the earth at one time, or would you never be able to have kids or your kids have kids? Its just amazing that you could never actually find out. Another note, if you could know when and how you were going to die would you want to know? Would you live your life any different, or would it make you feel that it was closer everyday and you would sulk in the fact? I keep playing all of these feelings and thoughts in my head and it makes me mad that I will never have any control over any of the unknown. One question I would have for God is why would you take children and young people over these dangerous people here on earth, why not give the kids a chance? Why make them stuffer and what is it for a life lesson, but when its all said and done, do we actually ever get over the feeling of missing some one you love and you wish you could love forever. I just look at all of these criminals and think wow what a waste of space and air, why not take them out of this world to let others who are great live? I don't know why I am thinking these thoughts, maybe because it kills me to see family and friends mourn the loss of the ones they love, and there is nothing you can do about it. You just sit there and tell them it will get easier, but how do you know, will it really or thats just what you have heard from dr's or people that have been through these kind of things in their life, or do we just walk around numb? Are we just waiting our turn to finally be with our loved ones again? Baffling and frustrating.

Time is Flying by!

I can't believe its already February tomorrow. It seems like Christmas and the holidays just got over. Training is over now and I am now doing my new position, it has really been nice, I feel like the nice guy again. I can actually say congrats and its my job, wow, what a neat experience.
Rhandie is still doing the same thing, which he really likes and he enjoys his team, so its good for him to stay there. On the second hand some of his co workers got him involved in this warfare computer game and he is totally addicted.
Jaycee has been doing really good in school and although she thinks that word is a bad word, she is doing great and she thinks she should be in 4th grade becuase she is so smart she got alot of a's on her report card! She constantly reminds me that she is smart and she thinks she is smarter than her parents. Jaycee also is going to start Tae Kwon Do soon, which she is totally stoked about.
Amaya is doing well too, she has a cold right now, as well as I do, but for the most part she is growing fast. She wants to be big like her sister and go to school. She is my little shopping buddy, I can take her anywhere and she doesnt complain about shopping, boy do I love that. My little Aya wants to be in dance so we need to get that going too.
I really want things to slow down, but the same time things to speed up so that it can be warm weather and we can play outside. I would love to start working on my yard again. This year I am going to finish the back yard and work on the front, so my yard looks as good as my retired neighbors. Thats really all thats going on for now. Kinda thinking about what to do for Valentines Day this year.

Not really anything new......

Lets see so I thought I would blog a little bit.... I am trying to think of something to write. The only thing that crosses my mind is a vacation, or in other words some alone time with my hubby. Rhandz really wanted to go to wendover and see "Air Supply", but it sold out and training for me isn't done until next monday, so that is kinda out of the question. Maybe in Feb when its all over we can take a couple days and get away. I want to stay close and not spend too much money, so pretty much wendover or Idaho.... hmmmm we will see. The girls are doing really well considering I wake them up every morning early, they have been pretty good. This summer we would like to go spend some time in California preferably San Francisco and see some family, that is our goal, good thing that tax refunds are coming up. We also told Amaya when she is 5 yrs old we would take her to Disneyland, she really wants to see the princess', even Rhandz loves the girls (lol), Belle is his favorite. Last time we went I think that we have more footage of Belle than the family on the ride. I better watch out ha ha ha. So on that note we will be saving up for that vacation as well. I am really hoping I do well at this job so that we can have the money to put away. I am going to try hard to make it go well. Okay so until another update, well wishes for you all!

Is Training over with yet?

I am in training for a new position and I am exhausted. I think my family is feelin it too, I have to wake up early as well as wake my girls up, ahh we are not morning people. I feel that I have learned alot but I am more anxious to get on the phones and do it. The class thinks I am crazy because of the way I think and say things lol, oh well its me right? I am really missing my friends that I use to sit by too, they are thinking I abandon them, sorry I still love you all. And for my friends that I used to hang out with in the morning, I miss you all too. Everytime I think about complaining I think ya know it could be alot worse so Shari suck it up and deal with it. I have a healthy family, a house to live in, and food in our bellies so life pretty much is great. I didn't even have to cook today, or should I say Rhandie didn't have to cook tonight. My mom made an awesome turkey pot pie last night, so I just stopped by and picked up the leftovers, its one of the white girls favorites, the filipinos are wondering where the rice is at., she also gave us brownies so score we got both and there was no labor involved. Thanks mom! We also got to hit the gym and see my wonderful mother in law, she is so helpful and I am really greatful that we have grandparents, they are wonderful. I don't know what I would do without my parents and Rhandies parents, they are like angels! It must be a new year though because the gym was packed, wow the only machines open were the treadmills so I did that. It was nice just to go and work out for a little bit. I do feel so bad for Rhandz he passed out at 6:30 tonight, poor guy is exhausted. I tried to talk him into going in work later at like 7:30 instead of 6, but he insists on working that crazy morning shift. I hope to post some pics soon. Love you all and hopefully soon I will be bringing in the dough Yeah baby Yeah!!!!!

The New Year so far has been wonderful!

The start of this year has pretty well been awesome. It has been kinda low key other than me training for a new position. The family has adjusted well to me working later in the afternoon, but I am feeling left out so I am going to be working days now and will be home earlier to help out more. Plus I love spending time outside of work chatting and visiting friends & family. I am looking forward to my normal schedule again and what I call normal life... being available to take Jaycee to school, drop off Amaya at lola's house, and then not having to stress about getting to work on time... normal to me is 9:30-4:30. I am right now on an 8am shift...waking up early, waking jaycee up early (which she is not a morning person), and then waking up Amaya lastly (who loves her sleep, and to wake up on her own, so yes she is yelling and crying in the morning), dropping off Jaycee to a wonderful friend of ours (Traci love ya), dropping off Amaya at lolas and then heading to work. Ahhh its been kinda hard. Last night however we did have a great time seeing our good friend Gor. He is so entertaining and I think he thinks the same of us. Amaya and Jaycee were showing off their mad skills on the wii and rockband. Then we lost his keys and we were looking all over the place, it was kinda fun! Anyway we always have a good time with him and we miss him.
Today is thursday its getting closer to friday which means that the weekend will be here soon, yippee! I don't have any plans, hubby would like to go see Avatar in 3D, so maybe we will do that . After this week I just want to relax and sleep in. For all you who know me knows that sleeping is one of my favorite things to do! I hope that you are all having a wonderful start to the New Year, and wish us all luck, money and health...

New Year Resolution!

You have probably already read my previous post about how anal I am, well this year I am going to try and relax more. I am not going to see my house as a chore, but as a relaxing place to spend time with my family. I will learn that the dishes in the sink are not as important as time with eachother and if it doesnt get done then when others want to do it, I will help. I will let laundry go and do it as needed. I will take more time to sit down and watch movies and play games with the kids and hubby. I am going to try and not yell and scream, but be more patient with my children and not take so much to heart. I am going to try to not be the nagging wife who wants everything done now at this very moment. If I dont want to do it and the husband doesnt want to do it, I am going to pay to have it done, that way it doesnt weigh on either of us! This is my new year resolution, this year to be lazier!!!! Happy New Year!

What is my deal?

This past month I have felt so down and exhausted, I am going through crying spells, freakin out spells, madness spells, I don't know what is wrong. I went to finally see the nurse here at work and she said that I am on the max dose for my anti depressants so no help there, also I have been taking some vitamin D lately to see if that would help and it hasen't. I just feel like I am alone, even though I am surrounded by people that I love and I know love me. I haven't felt like this since 5 or 6 yrs ago when I had a breakdown and trying to find out which kind of meds fit me personally. I feel that I am just a naggin wife and mom, trying to keep everything perfect, and in my perfect world when its not, I go crazy. All I want to do is lay down and cry and sleep, its really affecting me. I try to be happy, I try to keep up with my husband, kids, laundry, cleaning the house, taking down decorations, bills and everything else and its totally not working. I feel like I am doing it all alone, that I am in my own world and it all piles on my shoulders. I know that my husband asks what he can do and I give him stuff, but it just feels like its not on an asap important basis, not like me. When dinner is done, it has to be cleaned up or else its messy and it drives me nuts, if there is stuff on the counters I have to clean them off or else I go crazy, I have to do the laundry thats piled up downstairs (Jaycee asked me this morning why it took me two months, to wash her shirt, I think she exaggerated a little bit, but it is taking me longer. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I feeelllll sssoooo baaadddd!