I donated blood today!

For those of you that know me, knows that this is a big deal. No not even a big deal, huge deal. Ask anyone who knows me and they will explain to you my drama about needles. I would throw a fit when I had to get my vaccinations, or when they would need to draw my blood, poke my finger, or just the word and it would send me into a frantic. I am getting better though. I think that my friends (you know who you are) taught me to kinda just suck it up and deal with it. I do have some funny stories that I think back and wow I was a baby, a big baby.

I had to get my vaccinations for one year in school (I can't remember what year), all I remember is that my dad told me that him and I were going to visit my mom at work. She worked on 9Th E and 33rd S Albertsons at the time. This was always a big deal, because my mom use to work in the Deli and it was next to the bakery, you know where I am going with this right? Yep, fried chicken and donuts. Yum! Yeah, it wasn't really a good experience when I got there. My mom asked me " Honey now what would you like for a treat", Me "the usual", My mom " Okay lets get you what you want and then we need to take a trip to the parking lot",Me "Okay, but why are we going out to the parking lot?", My mom " You have to get shots", OMG I lost it. I was freaking out, biggest alligator tears you would ever see in your life and I told her "No way". Needless to say I didn't win, my dad is always going to be stronger and can hold me down. Yeah, Horrible!

A few years later, I had to get my tonsils out. I had strep throat so much that they decided it was for the best. Yep, more needles! They had to use one to knock me out, and then I got so dehydrated that my poor dad and brother Jeremiah, had to carry me into Pioneer Valley Hospital for fluids. Again what did I do, yep the biggest tears again with my dad and brother holding me down telling me that I am going to live through this. I didn't believe them at the time, but hey I am still here so they were right!

How about the time after Desiraes accident that we all had to go get tested for Long QT? Poor Aunt Sherry. Des had just been through the most harsh time of her life and was now figuring out what caused her accident. I remember watching her on the treadmill working out, them monitoring her heart with all these little sticky probes all over her little body, and thinking that doesn't look so bad I can do that. Then we go to the bad place, the place where they put you in this little chair, prop up your arm and stick this forgein thing in your vein, and your blood is collected in a bag. Des sits up there, she is so strong, gets it done and over with, you don't even hear a peep out of her. They turn to me and say " Its your turn", oh no its not. So I kicked and screamed and cried and I got out of it. Poor Aunt Sherry was a little humiliated, but I didn't have to get poked that day. Sorry Aunt Sherry!

Now after having two kids (epidurals with both), tonsils removed , two ingrown toe nails removed, and kidney stones removed, yep getting better. I still have the anxiety,, I still think What have I signed up for, but I don't cry anymore and I don't even need anyone to hold my hand. Ahhh I think I am growing up lol!

I need more happiness

Christmas is over, Jaycee's Birthday is over, New Year's is over, now what? These are three big events all at once and when they are over, I can't tell you what I look forward to next..... hmm maybe summer! That is what I am hoping for, wishing for, praying for. I look at all this snow and it really brings me down, we are stuck in the house, we can't really stand to go outside for even a minute without freezing, you don't even want to get out of bed in the morning. I am having a hard time even getting into work lately. Sometimes I really would love to be a stay at home mom, but knowing me I would never be at home, being at home means chores, cleaning, cleaning, and cleaning. Although I can see myself going out and hanging with friends, even cleaning someones house or playing with my little runts. I love the fact that I can take time off from work and just go, it doesn't matter where, just to go do something. I need that , I have to have it to make me happy. Granted when I get home the chores are still waiting for me, but it gives me incentive, because all day I was happy with other things. I need to become rich, I need to have money so I don't have to worry about paychecks and sitting in front of a computer 7 hrs or more a day to just get by. I want to do things for other people, I enjoy making someone else happy, whether its just hanging out with them for the day or helping them with chores or doing animal rescue, feeding kids, and just feeling like you are doing something useful. I want to be able to just sit in a nursery and hold those little babies that are crying, just to make them feel comforted, or holding the sick kids at the hospital to give their moms and dads a break. I can do that, that makes me happy, I need a job and actually get paid or become a millionaire so that I can do happy stuff not only for me but for others. Hmmm How am I going to get there?